Health, Motherhood

How to be a supportive friend and what not to say when your friend loses her pregnancy

The road to motherhood is different for every woman and filled with uncertainties. Sometimes this journey ends in a miscarriage or stillbirth. Losing a pregnancy before 20 weeks is termed a miscarriage, while a pregnancy loss after 20 weeks is termed a stillbirth. I am a mom of 2 and a registered nurse. I have not experienced pregnancy loss, but as a healthcare professional I have helped many patients and loved ones through this difficult journey. Each time, I have learned to be a better friend, listener, and advocate.

I do realize this is a very emotional subject, but I want to educate us all  based on a poll I created on my instagram page stylishmom_nurse. I decided  that we start the discussion on what to say and what not to say to woman who has experienced pregnancy loss.

It is very important to remember that every woman’s pregnancy loss and emotions will vary so please be patient as she deals with it.

I love to talk in scenarios so that it makes it relatable. So, say  you have a friend, let us call her Mel who just miscarried at 12 weeks and she posts it on social media or maybe she calls or texts you, there are some things you should try to avoid telling her.

  1. Please do not tell her that it is God’s will even if she is religious. That comes off as very insensitive.
  2. Do not tell her she will do fine because you also had a miscarriage. Remember it is not about you !!!
  3. Please do not say, “ You are still young and have more time.”
  4. “ At least you have other kids, some people do not even have any kids” Don’t let this even cross your mind okkk???
  5. “Stop stressing and working too much next time” Excuse me, are you really blaming her?? That is heartless!!
  6. “ At least you are young, you can always have another one. Some people are not lucky”

Instead

  1. Listen if you do not know what to say. Your presence will speak volumes. If you cannot think of anything just be there.
  2. Offer to take her for a walk ,ride, do their laundry, babysit if they have other kids, bring her some meals instead of just saying what can I do for you? Offering direct actions can bring some relief to her.
  3. If you are comfortable, offer a hug and shoulder for her to cry on.

I hope you found this blog piece helpful. I cannot wait to read and answer your comments. Don’t forget to subscribe on my blog!

xoxo

Stefanie your StylishMomNurse

Photo: Samantha Rose Creative Co.

Styled : Nine56 Studio

3 thoughts on “How to be a supportive friend and what not to say when your friend loses her pregnancy”

  1. This is a good article that you wrote especially for us healthcare workers who do not know what to say when we find ourselves in a situation like this. Often times we mean well but the words we say are not the most appropriate or correct words to express what we mean so we end up being misunderstood. As they say, you cannot take back words that you have said so we have to be mindful about the words we say and how we say it.:)

    Like

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